now i know, i'm not ready for serious relationship

what happen?

suddenly i feel so bad..........................
still worry about him............................

during hari raya holiday, we went things good.......................as usual , he is my best soul mate...........
but , i can't feel more than that anymore.................................

i lost it.................................

no more love story, just friendship..............................


things just so strange.....................

while u are single, u wish u can start a relationship, however , when the chance is here, i really unable to ready for this ......................................

i prefer single now..........................

ok ok, don't get me wrong....................
i really still single ............................
we haven't start anything yet........................
we are just soul mate..............................

my friends told me not to worry, just remains our friendship..........................


so, i still in between.......in Chinese we called 暧昧........................

should i stay, or should i go?

ok ok .....i keep telling my self, we are just soul mates(知己)......................

what if love can't take it over?

dame! i hate myself!
i hate myself for loving him!
what's going on?
i wonder.........................
suddenly, everything changed.......

i met a few guys, other guys.....................
then, the comparisons start....
yeah, he is a very good guy, he cares about me, he got a stable job.........
but what? why?
suddenly, i afraid............................
i afraid he loves me, i afraid he confess with me he loves me...............................
i like him, i love him, but only as soulmate..........................

maybe for what?
i don't know...............................

suddenly, my parents not allow me to go out with him.....................................
they want me to stay away from him.........................
why??
ok. i admit that..................he is not that rich.............................

my mum asked me to find a rich guy.......................................
but for me, true love is not about the money................................
so, i still love him................................


but , nowadays, i really worry about his health....................
he is not a real healthy guy.....................
so i really worry..............................
what's going on?
my love for him is fading...........................

i just not ready, i'm not really to fall in love and start any relationship....

ok, lucky he still didn't make any move.........................
i really scare to hurt him.......................................
i afraid if we start something, i'll hurt him if i dump him....................................

so, ya, we just friend.........................only soul mates..............................
i have to keep this friendship................................

when love takes over (PART 2)

so, that's was the first time we met.........

the next day......i woke up with a wide smile on my face......everything was sweet yesterday.........

then, next two days.......at nite.....suddenly........i got his msg.......he said "hi".........

that was the first time.......the 1st time i chat so long with a guy....in Chinese.....(u know i hate msg in chinese)
in our chat, he ask me about my birthday, then he even ask me out......
i told him that he have to wait until next time i come back(about 2 months).......he said he can wait for me......now i know.......this guy got a little feeling on me.........yeah!

so, that night, we chat until 1.00 am......that was also my 1st time chat so late.....


......................


then, next few days, we chat again.......but i was tired.....because it was saturday.......the next day, i have to go back to stupid campus early in the morning........

on sunday morning, i took bus to go back to campus..........luckily got him sms with me.........
i thank him because can accompany me to chat........he told me he is happy to chat with me........so we keep on sms until i got up to the kl-lipis bus............


so, back to normal life in campus......hell.......many ass.........busy busy busy........
although i am very busy.....but from time to time.....i was thinking of him.......then i smile.......
my life seems happier when i think of him........

after a week, finally i got his sms......then we chat........about life.......he talk about his work......
i talk about my study.......i was surpised ......we can chat really crazy.......really long.......

so, my life in campus seems a little bit different...........i got him in my heart......and when i stress......i'll think of him.......then i smile.......

HEY! am i crazy? now i realize.....i think i falling in love..........


then, we got practicum.....this time.....is two months..........
the worst is, i stay in aunty house(my student's house)


so, my life was worst......busy......
after school time, i need to have tuition with my student........
no choice.....i need money............

how about him?

yeah! he kept sms me! twice a week......mostly at night.........
so, my whole practicum life........seems he is by my side.....
he always ask about my teaching life......and really take care of my health.......

from our conversation.....we always thank each other, wish well in each other, appreciate each other.......
whenever i get stress, he will always be there for me....ask me how i feel.......wish me good luck.......
i never get lonely.......


but, u know, sms with him sometimes can be very inconvenience .........

why i say so?
because of aunty(my student's mum)..........

she found out that i always sms at nite......no sleep......no teach her daugther.......
so, i have to hide my phone everytime when i sms.......and pretent i already sleep when aunty enter to our bed room( ya,i slept with her daugther).............

so sad.......want to sms also hard......

but when we chat.....i really forget everything.........only him in my head........i smile all the time...... he makes me really happy.......and i'm really glad that he is happy to chat with me too......
he said that he is very lucky to know me........
so......both of ur turn to be soul mates.........

so, during practicum( 2 months)....i was falling into the ocean of love.....i'm sink......i'm drowning in his love.......
ok....we are not lovers.....we are only soul mates........but i feel love..........LOVE.....

everynite i have sweet dreams......every morning i got smile on my face.........
i never feel so happy before.........i really can't believe......i can't live without him anymore.........

so, sms sms sms(ya, he is a shy guy, he never called me, just sms)
one day, he even told me about his love life......he get dump by his gal fren.......he is very sad.....
he feels really touch because i made him feel better and happier.........

i cry.......i cry for him......suddenly.........................
i realize something.......only him know how to appreciate me........i born to make him happy.......
only 4 letter words to describe: L....O....V....E


the more we chat, the more i miss him......
i really want to meet him again......he also said this to me..............
but, really......we are juz soul mates.......nothing more..........

until his birthday(31st july)......i really can't give him anything because i'm still in practicum........
so, i dicided to call him........

ok, normally.....we will chat until 11 pm( i always have to sleep early).....
but on 30th july.....i told him that i want to chat with him until midnite........

so, we chat n chat(sms)......until 12 am.......i called him........this is the 1st time i call to a guy to wish him happy birthday.......my hand was shaking well i dial his number.........
,
finally, i can hear his voice.....so soft.....so sweet.......i was melting......my talk gets stutter......
i wish him happy birthday........he was shock.......actually he himself allredy forget his own birthday.......oh poor guy......he just too busy working..........he get speechless..........

the next day, he sms me again......he told me he was too happy........he really thank me for remember his birthday........he even told me that his ex never do this on him........
oh.....suddenly.....i was touch.......i realize how much he needs me, just like the way i need him........
ah! what a miracle!

so.........hard things comes to the end........2 months pass like that......

woohoo! it's time to go back!
back to my hometown! my paradise! heaven!
and meet him!
i never feel so HAPPY like this!

on my way back to home....my sweet home........
i never feel so good.........i just keep smiling...........sunshine above me...........


so......what will happen during holiday? will we meet?
what will be his reaction when he meet me?
he promised me he will ask me out........
oh my god! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!



(to be continue)

when love takes over

ya....i couldn't believe this.......this year(2009) can considered as my lucky year......
i social more, i laugh more,i'm more confident ,i'm happier......
most of all ............i guess i falling in love....


ya.....i start to love again.....i dare to face love life....
instead of get loves from frens and family,i 'm ready, i'm ready to accept love from someone else, someone special.......this is totally difference.......i'm ready for the new me......
of course, i have to thank my frens, especially my campus 7 sisters......
they always support me and help me thru my life.....
they give me hope......they changed me.......

i started to get to know more frens, more time to hang outside....i know frens are the most important things in my life now.....i can't be alone forever......

my 7 sisters really help me in this......thanks....i just love u guys.....and realize i can't live without u all..........



so....i changed my self......i even got my facebook, my blog........
i exposing my self to more people outthere.i show my self confidently.......


and i'm so happy can find back my old school frens too!and more frens......


and guess what? now i even found a true soul mate........
ya........
ok. maybe he is introduced by my sister in my hometown, but till today i still can't believe both of us can move on so well.



still remember the 1st day we met, me n my sis, he n his best pal(my sis boss).my sis and her boss just intensionly hook us up........well, at 1st, i really think of nothing.....ai ya....juz as frens ma.......then as we having time talking.....i started to realize.....hey, he might be the one........
we really got most in common.....our views, our points....we juz go along things so well.........


so, then.....he drove me n my sis back home......althought his car is not that BMW or Ferrari.....but when i sit beside him in his car, i feel myself like a princess.....ya......don't know why this feeling comes to my mind.......then, he borrows me his Kelly Clarkson CD (because he was tune in the songs in car on that moment).then, before i get down form his car,i make the 1st move, i asked for his number......hey, i juz can't resist his smile......he is a very shy guy.......but i can feel that he was notice at me....

ok, well.....what's next? will we get in touch again? can we make up to the next level?who knows?
wait and see!

(to be continue)