new life, new me

this is it......new start for everything.......
after 8 months of sorrow and tears for my breakup......



 i'm growing up.............

 

i'm growing strong......stronger............

it's time to let go.....

i know this is the time to stand tall again.......
be who i am.....

i feel better now....

although the scars never heal....but at least it will never bleed again......

never again......

i must be thankful

at least we still can be frens.......

ya.....and i'm with my other frens....my family....

i'm lucky......

it's time to move on..........

looking to the sky ......
i know i've found my way.........my life...........

ya...i'm with me ....myself.......only me...........

so, u think that my life without guys anymore...........

and my parents very very happy now, b'cos i'm still single and available....

they want to help me to find mr.right......

well, i told them, i rather be single....for the rest of my life.......

until today, i still blame my parents on this.....
ya, i have to thank them, they make me realize that actually i'm not that in love with my ex......ya, i have to admit that.....but i still blame them because the way they tear us apart is too cruel.....
until today, i still cry....because i'm very very sorry for my ex.....he loves me so much but i took this relationship too easily.......n i break his heart..........

sorry...i'm sorry.......so so sorry.....
but i need to move on ....my single life.....

well, but, there are still some guys that appeared in my life.......

so, is the end of year 2009.......i went thru this year very hard.....

on 1st of jan 2010....i wish my ex happy new year....but we are not happy at all...
what a grief year!!!!

but....i started to pack my heart.....

and until i meet another guy......

7th of jan........
ok...i'm not gonna reveal this guy....just called him J.....

well, this time, i can say this guy is totally rich......maybe is my parents ideal boyfren for me....
but he devorced and left a 9-year old daughter.........
and he is a smoker.........
but......because of he is rich......


ok...stop this...am i mention he is rich........ok...wait...

i got to know J from one of my sis in campus.....

well, at start.....i just think about as fren with him only.....

well, we chat on the phone and we met up after 2 days.......

oh, gosh.....
what happen?
ok....because he just broke up with his ex, and so am i.....so, we understand each other feeling and we share alot...

then, during that nite on our first meet.....
he ask me to be his galfren.....

WHAT!!!!

NOT AGAIN!!!

i told him again n again......too fast and i don't wan bad memories happen again.....

i reject this......

but, strange....we still chat every nite..........
i even go out with him.....

even my frens thought that we are couple...but we are not.....

actually, sometimes, i got think about to start relationship with him.....but i stop.....

i keep notice him......
and give him chances....

but, i still can't accept him.....he is too agresif......
he is not the wan i want........

we are in the different world.....

but he still never give up on me......
sometimes, he will scold at me if i done things wrong, but i know he cares about me....
he even help me to slove many problems, help me to realief my stress and my sorrow.......

but i keep telling myself that he is so dangerous, i must be very carefull....
if i sink to his love ocean......it will hard for me to escape...and i really don't wan hurt anyone.....
luckily he understand this.....slowly, he let me go.........

before this, like i said b4, i still have other guys in my life......AJ and Sean......

well, they even got tendency to start relationship with me......but i really discover myself not ready for this......i gave them hope but finally reject them......

i hurt them so much.....until they don't wan talk with me anymore.......

i lost two of my best fren.......AJ and Sean.......

well, J still got contact with me....but we very clear....we are frens.......good

well, now, everybody hates me now....cos i'm a heartbreaker......

i always remember what Sean told me: stop pretending when u are not!!!

but well, i very sad now....suddenly i feel so lonely..... i lost so many frens....and i lost my frens.......
so so lonely......

well, all my frens found their mr.right....and i'm very very happy for them.......

well, to my ex, AJ, Sean.....and other frens that i've hurt....i'm very sorry and please take care......

and to all my frens who are in love now............i wish all the best and happiness for u all.......

and i gonna stay alone.....continue my single life.......i don't want anything anymore.....
no more broken hearts and sorrow.....
i just wan to focus on my study.........my family........

now, my parents keep asking me if i got start any relationship or not...i say i'm single and they are happy....

ok, mum and dad.....is that u want????
ok, well, i'm gonna be single.........
i do this because i really want to let u guys know that.....u guys already hurt me, deeply hurt me.......mum and dad.........and i'm gonna be widow because of u guys......

i'm fine.....
i'm gonna face this world alone......
sorry my parents, i still wanna blame u guys.....
i know u do this for my own good...but for sudden i really can't accept this....
i lost my dream, my future....i have to choose everything that i don't like..........
i become teacher because both of u, i become widow also because of u.....

i'm sorry......

but i'm very very fine....don't worry mum n dad.....
actually i just want to express my feelings.......
because i'm so sorrow now......and no one can hold me.....i become a very cruel person, always hurt other people and finally i lost many frens......

but, mum and dad....
i still love u guys no matter what......
i'll continue my study......
i'll live my life......
i'll alway be your good daugther.....
i'll make u guys proud.......

thanks...mum and dad.....thanks to all my sisters and frens........

i'm gonna face this world...alone

well, it's been a crazy crazy moment since i met my soulmate and until today......i met quite a lot of guys in life.....
crazy...so crazy........
i even don't believe this is happen in my life!!!
with advance from face book.....i really can get connected with so many people......

until i met this guy..........

well, his sister is one of the teacher lived near-by.........quite near to my college.........
she knew me during a BBQ gathering on sept o9......on that time.....they were having a joke to hook me up with her brother........whom is working in selangor.....

well, i never put this seriously until 4th of October 09.......she brought me to meet him......her brother..........

ok...this is sound very very crazy........

we meet, we talk......
ok......i always easily to get good impression at the first time.....
so, i guess he fell in love with me....
but for me, i not yet ready.....but still i never reject to make friend with him.....

we sms everyday.....then, we got to know each other.......much better......
he even called me on 7th october.....
and we chat until mid-night.........


it all happen too fast.......
on 16th october, we meet for the 2nd time n i even stay in his hostel.....

what??? so fast la.......until today, i still can't believe this............
but don't think wrong, we haven't start anything yet..........just a trip for me to know each other better......

but ........
don't know how.......he ask me to be his galfren.....on the last day of trip....

what??? god! too fast la.....i told him.......
but he said, u never try, never know...just try.........

ok.....well, after he kept asking me for this....and i think...ya...just try ma......no promises.....so , why not? i'm too open-minded la......

so, funny....we are on.....
so so fast .....so sudden.....

i still don't believe this.....we know each other not more than one month but we already a couple.......

he is my first bf......and i'm his first galfren.....
this is our first love.....

so, almost every week.....we meet each other and enjoy our weekend.....
and i even met his family.......

wait....stop

this is just too fast.....
actually i'm not ready for all this yet.....but i still carry on......

and he even gave me the best birthday moment that i will never forget......

so, after we been togather for one month....i brought him back to met my parents.....

but we never knew....this is the twist of everything......

the next day....i get strongly objection from my mum from being togather with him........
she keeps mouling about this the whole day.........well, they think that i can find the better one.......
i got no choice.....i called him and cry and cry.....................

i can't do anything.....anymore.......

but we still togather......
but we are not happy as ussual.....

for time to time, i get reminder calls from my mum......telling me i should stop this relationship.......
but i really try my best to hold this relationship......

so, sometimes we break, sometimes we make up.......
again and again......
until he can't stand anymore.....
then we comes to some conflicts here.....

i really don't know how......

but then, he still give me chance....we even celebrate christmas togather.........

but at last, when i get the call from my daddy.........

finally,i choose to end the relationships.....

27th december......
after the last happiness of christmas.....

we break...

is the end....

i can only filled my life with tears.......
and i know he is the unlucky victim.....he heart breaks......
i can feel his sorrow........
i'm very sorry for him......
but is too late......
i have to stop before everything get worse.......

it is better to have short term of sorrow than the long term sadness......

so, we end this 3 -month relationship........

but we still fren, sometimes we still got contact......
but very very less........

so, i back to my single life.......
luckily i still got my soulmate, and another fren, AJ and not to forget all my sisters and frens who help me get thru this hardship.......


so, my first love is gone..............

take care, my fren........

~my birthday cake~

~my teddy~





~sweet roses~