so, u think that my life without guys anymore...........
and my parents very very happy now, b'cos i'm still single and available....
they want to help me to find mr.right......
well, i told them, i rather be single....for the rest of my life.......
until today, i still blame my parents on this.....
ya, i have to thank them, they make me realize that actually i'm not that in love with my ex......ya, i have to admit that.....but i still blame them because the way they tear us apart is too cruel.....
until today, i still cry....because i'm very very sorry for my ex.....he loves me so much but i took this relationship too easily.......n i break his heart..........
sorry...i'm sorry.......so so sorry.....
but i need to move on ....my single life.....
well, but, there are still some guys that appeared in my life.......
so, is the end of year 2009.......i went thru this year very hard.....
on 1st of jan 2010....i wish my ex happy new year....but we are not happy at all...
what a grief year!!!!
but....i started to pack my heart.....
and until i meet another guy......
7th of jan........
ok...i'm not gonna reveal this guy....just called him J.....
well, this time, i can say this guy is totally rich......maybe is my parents ideal boyfren for me....
but he devorced and left a 9-year old daughter.........
and he is a smoker.........
but......because of he is rich......
ok...stop this...am i mention he is rich........ok...wait...
i got to know J from one of my sis in campus.....
well, at start.....i just think about as fren with him only.....
well, we chat on the phone and we met up after 2 days.......
oh, gosh.....
what happen?
ok....because he just broke up with his ex, and so am i.....so, we understand each other feeling and we share alot...
then, during that nite on our first meet.....
he ask me to be his galfren.....
WHAT!!!!
NOT AGAIN!!!
i told him again n again......too fast and i don't wan bad memories happen again.....
i reject this......
but, strange....we still chat every nite..........
i even go out with him.....
even my frens thought that we are couple...but we are not.....
actually, sometimes, i got think about to start relationship with him.....but i stop.....
i keep notice him......
and give him chances....
but, i still can't accept him.....he is too agresif......
he is not the wan i want........
we are in the different world.....
but he still never give up on me......
sometimes, he will scold at me if i done things wrong, but i know he cares about me....
he even help me to slove many problems, help me to realief my stress and my sorrow.......
but i keep telling myself that he is so dangerous, i must be very carefull....
if i sink to his love ocean......it will hard for me to escape...and i really don't wan hurt anyone.....
luckily he understand this.....slowly, he let me go.........
before this, like i said b4, i still have other guys in my life......AJ and Sean......
well, they even got tendency to start relationship with me......but i really discover myself not ready for this......i gave them hope but finally reject them......
i hurt them so much.....until they don't wan talk with me anymore.......
i lost two of my best fren.......AJ and Sean.......
well, J still got contact with me....but we very clear....we are frens.......good
well, now, everybody hates me now....cos i'm a heartbreaker......
i always remember what Sean told me: stop pretending when u are not!!!
but well, i very sad now....suddenly i feel so lonely..... i lost so many frens....and i lost my frens.......
so so lonely......
well, all my frens found their mr.right....and i'm very very happy for them.......
well, to my ex, AJ, Sean.....and other frens that i've hurt....i'm very sorry and please take care......
and to all my frens who are in love now............i wish all the best and happiness for u all.......
and i gonna stay alone.....continue my single life.......i don't want anything anymore.....
no more broken hearts and sorrow.....
i just wan to focus on my study.........my family........
now, my parents keep asking me if i got start any relationship or not...i say i'm single and they are happy....
ok, mum and dad.....is that u want????
ok, well, i'm gonna be single.........
i do this because i really want to let u guys know that.....u guys already hurt me, deeply hurt me.......mum and dad.........and i'm gonna be widow because of u guys......
i'm fine.....
i'm gonna face this world alone......
sorry my parents, i still wanna blame u guys.....
i know u do this for my own good...but for sudden i really can't accept this....
i lost my dream, my future....i have to choose everything that i don't like..........
i become teacher because both of u, i become widow also because of u.....
i'm sorry......
but i'm very very fine....don't worry mum n dad.....
actually i just want to express my feelings.......
because i'm so sorrow now......and no one can hold me.....i become a very cruel person, always hurt other people and finally i lost many frens......
but, mum and dad....
i still love u guys no matter what......
i'll continue my study......
i'll live my life......
i'll alway be your good daugther.....
i'll make u guys proud.......
thanks...mum and dad.....thanks to all my sisters and frens........
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